Me, Myself, and I

Ok ladies this is blog is for you. Well one part anyways, the other is for guys. But both genders feel free to read on. Now ladies, why is it that you have all these great, kinky, romantic ideas in your head that you want guys to fulfill……but decide not to share it with them? I mean I totally understand the whole point where, they should just know, or how it’s not that special if you have to tell them, or there’s just no point planning it with them if they can’t figure it out on thier own. But if you are one of those sweet innocent looking girls, who have done nothing but potray that to your boyfriend, girlfriend, or boy toy, and what you REALLY desire is for them to push you against the wall, rip the clothes right from your body, and drag his hands up and down your naked body, as he pins you against the wall with his own…..why not tell him? Do you think he’ll think less of you? Are you embarrased, or just too shy to come out and say it? Trust me if you were to secrtly whisper this to him while your out, or even send him a little message in his e-mail, i can almost garun-fuckin-ty you, he will be getting his ass alone with you FAST. I don’t care how sweet, loving, gentle, and romantic your man is….he’s thought more then once about what it would be like to throw you down and make you moan so loud, your neighbours will get horny. You have to remember…they are guys. Although some of them are blessed with the ability of reading the girl that they are with, and not needing a helpful hint, most aren’t. Let them know what you like, it’ll save you from having to fake anything. AND don’t even dare say you never fake. BULLSHIT. Yes it might not seem very sexy if you say “Next time your down there how bout moving your tongue about half an inch left” but instead while he’s down there moan “Left…….lower……yes…..HARDER……FUCK……FASTER……THAT’S IT!!! YES!! OH FUCK YES!!!!” Now… doesn’t that sound better. Don’t be scared to help him out alittle. If he dosen’t listen or get mad, then it just means he wants to get in you and get off, and doesn’t care if you do, in which case, fuck him.(not literally) If you still can’t do that, say it in a way where they WANT to try it out as soon as they can. Like leaning over and whispering into your guys ear during a quite dinner with your parents “I want you to bend me over tonight and fuck me till i scream” or something along those lines. I understand not all you girls are into that. But you should atleast try it. It’s only Kinky the first time.

Now fellas. What is your problem! Do you not listen to girls. What is the one thing you ALWAYS here. They want more foreplay. It doesn’t matter if you are the laziest, saddist excuse of a man there IS, if your girl tells you she wants you to go down on her. You best be streching that tongue and doing what you gotta do. We do it for u, so it’s fair that you do it for us. Now you shouldn’t even need that type of reasoning. You should want to do it for the simple pleasure of knowing you are doing something she is LOVING. Think about it. If your a visual type person like me you’ll understand. Take missionary style for sex. you can look into their eyes, hear the littles moans, and groans, and get to kiss her. That’s fuckin awsome. But when you go down on a girl you see EVERYTHING. Her head rolling back into the pillow, her stomach going up and down as her breathing gets deeper, her chest pounding as her heart starts to race, the goosebumps rising up across her stomach and down her thighs. You get to see and feel her hands gripping at sheets, blankets, her breasts, and your hair. You can watch as she starts squirming and biting her lower lip as her eyes clench shut trying to hold in her screams of ectasy. Now doesn’t that just make you want to call up your girl and get her alone? Not only that but you guys are getting tunnel visioned. Remember guys, you get off once, and then usually have to rest for a few before your ready for the next go. Girls can go over, and over, and over , and over again. So why not keep her going as your waiting for big willy to come back to play. After you get off, go back down and keep her going. Now i know some of the guys are going eww, my dick was just there i’m not putting my tongue there. Suck it up princess. I didn’t say go sticking your tongue inside her cooch, and taste around (if your into that though, go ahead) It’s yours so atleast you know where it’s been, and if you don’t I seriously suggest calling AA. If your still going fuck that I ain’t licking it. Then fine be a pussy. Just make out with her more, and let your hands do the work. Who the fuck cares if your tired after one go. SHE’S not finished, so YOU’RE not finished. And if you are, you can bet that her friends will hear about it, no matter how big your tool is. Doesn’t matter if your hung like Ron Jeremy if you suck in bed, you might as well have a cock the size of Tick. Not only that but stop being so fuckin boring in bed. I can’t count how many times i’ve heard from girls that their boyfriends, wont do it anywhere but the bed. Or how guys have routines, and it’s the same every single time. Switch it up alittle. This goes for you girls too. Sex isn’t meant just for the bed anymore. Start small if you have to. do it on the dress in the room.( now if your alittle slow here i don’t mean lay on the dresser. I mean have her sit on the dresser and you standing between her legs) Or standing up against the wall if your strong enough to support her that long. (And no I am not calling you girls fat, or heavy, i’m just saying some guys are skinny and weak and can barely hold up their own arms let alone another person.) and work outwards. Go to the living room, the dinning room, the shower, the kitchen. THE KITCHEN! Now here is where you can get creative. What’s in a kitchen that goes good with sex. Food. Strawberries, whip creap, ice, chocolate. Who the fuck cares if it’s messy, it’s fun. ANd it washes off. Unless your a germaphobic and can’t get dirty. In which case your probably still a virgin anyways. Even more so add something to sex, handcuffs, if your scared of those start with silk scarfs, or ties, and loosly tie her, or him up so they could get away if they wanted to. It’s called role playing people. Your playing that your tied up and they are going to do naughty things to you. If you have a car, or access to one, PERFECT! Sex on wheels. Go anywhere and climb in the back. Or ladies give him an unexpected surprise with alittle road loving while he’s driving (again for those slow road head. Not climbing ontop while he’s driving. That would be bad) You can choose a hidden, empty spot, or if you live in Hamilton The Devil’s Punchbowl is a pretty popular place i’ve heard. Life is not meant to be boring, so why should your sex life be. Life is to short to be scared of new, exciting, fun, kinky things. So next time you see your boyfriend, girlfriend, sex friend, kiss them and sweetly say “Your ass is mine”

I saw this, and Just had to put it up..  

Writen By  Marcus Terry

I suffer from an affliction I like to call “Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder” or SADD for short. What this means is that I get bored while having sex. If I stay in one position for too long my mind starts to wander. Luckily I was blessed with the ability to multi-task. So I can continue rocking the world of the woman who found it in her heart to throw me some sympathy sex while mentally making a shopping list for the next afternoon.

Another advantage to having this condition is that since my mind isn’t completely on the task at hand I really take in the things that my partner says in the throws of passion. I have had ample time to ponder the real meaning behind some of the things that a woman says during sex; some of the “catchphrases”, if you will. These are the little quips (not to be confused with queefs) that women throw out there between the moaning and breathing and sometimes uncontrollable sneezing. Usually they’re part of some sort of dirty talk. We, as men, love to hear these things, but we rarely take time to analyze them. So I’ve put together a list of a few of the more common phrases and my musings about them.

“I’m so wet right now.”  – These are the magic words. Up until now we’ve just been making out, groping, maybe a little dry humping, nothing too serious. But when you women finally decide to share with us the very intimate and slightly gross knowledge of the level of moisture permeating your panties, then we know it’s on like Donkey Kong. While we’re were just making out I’m thinking “This is nice. I wonder how far we’ll go?” But as soon as I hear that wonderful phrase I think “Wet, huh? I’d better go down there and investigate.”

“Do you have a condom?”
Every guy gets this one all the time. When we’re back at my place it is a simple straight forward question. I really don’t expect you to have condoms in your purse. Although many women do, and may God bless you prepared promiscuous sluts. But when a woman picks me up at a party and we go back to her place it’s just a game she’s playing. When I’m in a woman’s bedroom and she asks me if I have a condom, I just think “Stop trying to pretend you’re all wholesome and innocent. You gave me a handjob in the bathroom at that frat party after only one beer. You’re obviously quite the sex hound. Obviously, I’m not carrying a box of Trojans in my wallet. So stop trying to be coy, go on over to your desk, open the second drawer from the top, which we both know is the “sex drawer”, push the vibrator, lube and nipple clamps to the side and grab one of the myriad of condoms you have in there, preferably a ribbed one because I like to wear them inside out.”

“I want you inside me so bad.” – The last time I heard this it really got me thinking. This is actually what was going through my mind when I was having sex. “I wonder what it’s like to want someone inside you. I can’t recall ever having the desire for any part of any person to be inside of me. I’ve never even been to a proctologist. Whenever a woman says this, she is always referring to my penis. If I were to stick something else of mine in there technically I’d still be inside her. But I don’t think she really wants to be elbow fucked. It’s kind of sad that I won’t ever know what it’s like to have sex from a woman’s perspective. They really do enjoy it more than men. But I really don’t want a vagina. Those things bleed for no reason.”

“Deeper.” – This one just pisses me off. Women always say it like it’s an actual option. Listen, lady, it’s not like I have a few extra inches in storage. I’m already giving you everything I’ve got. If I could make it a little bit bigger at will, then it would already be tickling the back of your throat.

“Do you smell that?” – This one isn’t very common. As a matter of fact, my friends tell me that that’s only happened to me. I guess I shouldn’t have eaten all that soul food before going out. My bad, Christine